my 22years existence

” happy birthday fatihah. i hope you had an enjoyable 22years of knowing the world, and i wish you’ll have a better day ahead to keep learning the world. ”

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thank you Allah, for letting me breath, for guiding me, and i have nothing to be regretted for. i am so proud of myself and i am happy the way i am. all the bless-ess You have given me is enough; my family, my friends, my enemies, and my self– theres nothing i wanna change. regardless of what i went thru, it thought me how to appreciate everything around me. thank you.

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and i know; You created me for a reasons and i cant wait to make your plans proceeds as what they should be. i trust that You wont make my life hard in the way to complete the plans bcs Your love are endlessly meant for us.

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for today, i wish nothing but for You to take care of my mak in wherever she goes in whatever she does and whenever she needs You. and please give my mak and myself more time so that i could make mak happy and pay back everything she has done for me. and i wish you will take care of my Ibu and help her settle down all the cone she needs to pass thru. thank you Allah.

4th sem finished.

i just completed my 4th semester. and what could i say here is, the papers that i attend for this semester was quite hard.
and i cant even think of getting nice grades 😭 
but on top of that, im glad that the questions and the hints given by the lects helps me alot. 
just the time given was not that good tho. i dont eveb have a gap between the papers! 

people change

isnt that obvious when someone that we know isnt that one we used to know before?

 

people may change. due to some reasons, and the changes may be better or vice versa.

random night thought

i guess that the world’s first problem is; we are lack of understanding.

bcs all along, all you think is; about you.

we sometimes; acting like everything is going to be okay with what we’re doing. everyone will be pleased of us, somehow bcs of what we have today ( money, power, name)

and we forgot that; our power and those popularity is provisionally not forever.

saje; nak ingat lagi

berbalik pada zaman diploma dulu-dulu, yang mana; cuma diri aku yang memikirkan aku.

sering lewat bangun ke kelas, bukan tak kunci jam loceng, tapi aku tak endah; malas.
bangunnya juga seiras manusia yang mahu kembali ke kerja, sedangkan yang perlu cuma ke campus dan duduk di meja.

di ambil baju kurung yang biasa sudah aku pakai tiap minggu. dengan laju tangan ku saut tudung di ampaian paku; tudung semalam.

lantas sarung kasut yang aku tak  tukar sejak zaman habis spm, converse lapuk warna biru gelap yang kini bertukar hijau kulat.

dan aku ulang hari ini ke hari esok seperti biasa.
ohh, zaman diploma dah habis.

because i am not good enough.

because i am not that good enough, because i have no real parents to give me money and support me, i was being hate; by my own relatives.

its hard. and its truly hurt me.

bcs i never try to make them see, i never try to even responed to their words and bad minded; but that doesnt mean they can say what they wanna say. without thinking of what im going to feel.
i cried.
bcs somehow i feel like; i am not belong to be here; i dont even belong to anyone. 

 

stupid me as; i dont even tried to stand my self out. bcs i know, they wont hear me. and i even feel bad, because im thinking like; is that me? is that even me?
so studying was hard, when people keep reminding you; that you are not good enough.
but up until now, i am here. still in my studies. with my back bone (mak) supporting. and what i did, is all for mak.

friends for benefits

i start to realize; that people doesnt always good to you. i have this one friend of mine, i never thought that she would ever have that kind of ‘feeling’ to me. back stabbing isnt that fun if its come from your close friend. someone that you’ll see everyday, someone that you’d never expect them to be. 

and to hear that from another friend of mine was totally breaking me. as i had to know the real thing happened behind me; about what she rumor-ing about me, i swear its not good to know the real story. 

and guess what, shes been like that since last semester. and ive been foolled i swear i dont even realize that!