I wish the pain could get lesser. As im not born to be strong. And it hurts so much.

i wont accept any love from him at the first place if i know he would leave me like this. I swear its hurt me so much.

At our 2 years and 6 months of being together, Man leave me.

Happy Valentine’s Day

Today i brought roses to class, and gave them to my friends as a ‘thank you’ notes for being a part of my journey.

I know that most of them aren’t in a relationship, so i hope that this roses would make their day,

But deep inside my heart, i just want to replace my bad days with the happiness by seeing their happy faces receiving the roses from me.

Happy valentine’s day everyone, and happy valentine’s day, baby.

Exhausted me

I remember that day… when i put so much ‘me’ into them. When honestly i am depending to someone, to take me, anywhere that they want because i thought they will forever taking care of me as i forgot that nothing last, and nothing would stay as what you want them to be, because we are all human; and human change.

I give them all. Until i have nothing ‘me’ left for myself.

And i regret. And i have to put myself together back, to find myself, to find ‘me’ that i’ve lost a couple of years ago.

Oh god, help me, im exhausted.

im proud of myself

And when the person you think might be proud of you the most did not proud of you; you just proud for yourself. Hahaha

Im proud of myself, i got 3.8 again on this 5th semester. Thank you Allah. I owe you always.

First love

I guess its true when people say, “the hardest love to forget is your first love.”

bcs whenever their glimpse approach us, we’ll have that thoughts of knowing them still. And to keep them in our remembrances means to never forget ‘that’ memory forever.

No, i didnt meant to say that; to remember our first love means to still loving them– it is just; we are not tend to forget them, we choose to save a tiny piece of them within us. we have giving them our very fresh heart and in return we get our hearts back (bcs we both dont end it right) but its come together with our first love touch too. (So its quite hard to be erased)

but after all, our first love might not be the same with another. My first love might be you, but your first love might not be me. So we’ll have different thoughts.

and im sad

and i cried for my self. and i blame myself for letting someone conquering me. for letting someone taking me for granted. for letting my own lives being tied. as i dont even know how to confess about what i feel and what i want to be.

 

 

bcs i dont really have a chance

i dont know how to feel anymore. i used to write when im sad, but right know; i couldnt.

i dont know how to express what i am feeling nowadays. i dont know how to explain my depressions, and thoughts, and everything.

i used to write when im sad, but right now; i could not.

i am sad

some people dont really keep their promise kan? and sad to say that if the promises are made by the person you trust the most.

giving up?

have you ever feel giving up? giving up to be who you are right now, giving up to hold onto people who u used to know before as they– and you; have changed.
.
is it wrong to make them remember, all those words they’ve said? is it wrong to remind them their promises and how its broken? is it wrong to make them realise that they have all changed into something that are not (even) right?
.
how love can make you feel giving up. i am not perfect, i do have my flaws, i do make mistakes; all over again. but that doesnt mean i could let you to be someone that keep doing some-more wrong.
.
bcs that is the purpose of you having me by your side; to compliment you and to support you. you– is what, when, where, who i love.
and be loved.